I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
