you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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