my phone needs a breathalizer
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
