Tell her she can't have a vagina
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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