i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
