that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
