How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
