i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
