It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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