you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You dont lie about slip and slides
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
