No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
