I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
