Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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