wakey wakey hands off snakey
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
