hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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