No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
