I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
