ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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