I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize