So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
