you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
