Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
