At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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