you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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