If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
