i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
