i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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