their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
