The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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