I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You ruined the universe
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
