Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
