can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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