I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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