Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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