you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
