i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
