My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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