I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
PANTIES FOUND
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