He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
