they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
