i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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