My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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