Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
