New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
