Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
