is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
