I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
