Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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