Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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