I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
